Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Troy, this is stupid stuff


Normally, Slate.com's left-of-center writing caresses my political sensibilities like a security blanket. Habeas petitions for all!


But I have to take issue with their TV critic's recent anti-Ultimate Fighting Championship screed. I won't deconstruct the numerous stereotypes and inaccuracies that Mr. Patterson engages in during the course of the article. No doubt others will do as well, or better, in pointing out that not all UFC fans are brain-dead yokels howling for the blood of their fellow man, to say nothing of the flippant approach towards the nuts and bolts of the sport. As one example, it's an arm bar, not an arm bomb, Mr. Patterson. To paraphrase Winston Churchill, if you have to kill a sport, it costs nothing to learn the correct terminology beforehand.


But even putting these details aside, we should acknowledge the few things Mr. Patterson gets right: the somewhat callous commentary of the UFC hosts, the aggression that the sport embraces, and the bloody nature of conflict between two athletes determined to inflict as much physical damage on the other as possible. How do I justify my desire to watch one man strike or choke another man into submission?


I believe the difference between us lies in our relative experience of the sport. Mr. Patterson, unless I miss my guess, has not trained in any full-contact martial art. Though I cannot claim any great proficiency, I have. Thus, when Mr. Patterson looks at a UFC fight, he sees an explosion of violence as random and unattractive as a car accident.


By contrast, when I watch a UFC fight, I see a complex, deeply ordered event with its own internal logic. Strike follows kick follows armbar; I see, sometimes only in retrospect, the decisions underlying each event and can evaluate their potential consequences. All true sports fans seem to acquire this facility at some point in their career as a fan. I can tell you, with a fair degree of accuracy, that Mirko Crocop will seek to finish his opponent in certain circumstances with a high left kick to the head, and why, just as a baseball fan will opine that their team will bunt in a certain situation, or a football fan will declare that their team must continue to run the ball. Thus far the internal merits of the sport.


But how does the fact that there is order in the violence justify the violence itself? Because I see professionals at work, I learn from them. Watching Mirko throw those high kicks, or Eddie Bravo scrunch up in his guard shows me what the human body is capable of, and inspires me to pursue my training with renewed vigor. It benefits my training; in a small way, these people are my teachers.


This, then, leads to the ultimate question--why train at all? Why do I pay every month to fight strangers? Why not just sit on the couch with Mr. Stevenson and watch stylized, sanitized violence such as Bonnie and Clyde, which Mr. Stevenson cites approvingly? Because I choose not to lose myself in fantasy, but to devote some time to remember the harshness of the world, and attempt in some small way to store up strength against an uncertain future. As A.E. Housman reminds us, taking harmful things in the proper amounts can prepare us to survive greater harm in the future.* I prefer to take my harm in small doses, now; I hope Mr. Stevenson faces a much sunnier future.



* Therefore, since the world has still
Much good, but much less good than ill,
And while the sun and moon endure
Luck’s a chance, but trouble’s sure,
I’d face it as a wise man would,
And train for ill and not for good.
’Tis true, the stuff I bring for sale
Is not so brisk a brew as ale:
Out of a stem that scored the hand
I wrung it in a weary land.
But take it: if the smack is sour,
The better for the embittered hour;
It should do good to heart and head
When your soul is in my soul’s stead;
And I will friend you, if I may,
In the dark and cloudy day.

There was a king reigned in the East:
There, when kings will sit to feast,
They get their fill before they think
With poisoned meat and poisoned drink.
He gathered all the springs to birth
From the many-venomed earth;
First a little, thence to more,
He sampled all her killing store;
And easy, smiling, seasoned sound,
Sate the king when healths went round.
They put arsenic in his meat
And stared aghast to watch him eat;
They poured strychnine in his cup
And shook to see him drink it up:
They shook, they stared as white’s their shirt:
Them it was their poison hurt.
—I tell the tale that I heard told.
Mithridates, he died old.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Fun for all the children

Is it wrong of me to laugh when I picture the sort of historical education and reenactment tours that might be available at the Mount Harmon Plantation Education and Discovery Center?

Friday, February 16, 2007

25 Lines From Star Wars That Are Improved By Substituting the Word 'Pants'

1. A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master.
2. You are unwise to lower your pants.
3. We've got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down.
4. She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment down to retrieve them. See to it personally Commander.
5. These pants may not look like much, kid, but they've got it where it counts.
6. I find your lack of pants disturbing.
7. These pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use it.
8. Han will have those pants down. We've got to give him more time!
9. General Veers, prepare your pants for a surface assault.
10. I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my pants back home.
11. TK-421. . . Why aren't you in your pants?
12. Lock the door. And hope they don't have pants.
13. Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought onboard.
14. You look strong enough to pull the pants off of a Gundark.
15. Luke. . . Help me take...these pants off.
16. Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants.
17. That blast came from those pants. That thing's operational!
18. Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of pants more heavily guarded than this.
19. Maybe you'd like it back in your pants, your highness.
20. Your pants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for your sister!
21. Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser.
22. Yeah, well short pants is better than no pants at all, Chewie.
23. Attention. This is Lando Calrissean. The Empire has taken control of my pants, I advise everyone to leave before more troops arrive.
24. I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.
25. You came in those pants? You're braver than I thought.


Stolen from this site

Thursday, February 15, 2007

After action reports from Iraq and Afghanistan

The first case study in this document is the craziest thing I have ever read. It's hard to believe that events like these are happening while the most discussed item on cable news is the celebrity death du jour.

Reason no. 278 to hate powerpoint

The National Security Archive, an "independent non-governmental research institute and library located at The George Washington University" that spends its time filing as many FOIA requests as possible with various national security agencies, has posted a series of Powerpoint slides that are apparently from an August 2002 briefing on preinvasion planning for the war in Iraq. In hindsight, they make for pretty grim reading. For example, a slide listing "Key Planning Assumptions" includes the following:
  • Opposition groups will work with us
  • Co-opted Iraqi units will occupy garrisons and not fight either US forces or other Iraqi units
  • DoS [Department of State] will promote creation of a broad-based, credible provisional government -- prior to D-day
  • Iraqi regime has WMD capability

An interesting sidelight for those of us who will never plan a war is the commentary on the Archive's website from two military officers concerning the role of Powerpoint in war planning. The officers were highly critical of the move from traditional briefing methods to Powerpoint:

Lt. Gen. McKiernan later told Washington Post reporter Thomas Ricks (Fiasco,
p. 75):

"It's quite frustrating the way this works, but the way we do things nowadays is combatant commanders brief their products in PowerPoint up in Washington to OSD and Secretary of Defense... In lieu of an order, or a frag [fragmentary] order, or plan, you get a set of PowerPoint slides... [T]hat is frustrating, because nobody wants to plan against PowerPoint slides."


Retired Army Col. Andrew Bacevich told Ricks (Fiasco, pp. 75-76) that PowerPoint war planning was the ultimate insult:

"Here may be the clearest manifestation of OSD's [Office of Secretary of Defense] contempt for the accumulated wisdom of the military profession and of the assumption among forward thinkers that technology -- above all information technology -- has rendered obsolete the conventions traditionally governing the preparation and conduct of war. To imagine that PowerPoint slides can substitute for such means is really the height of recklessness."

There's a neat shortcut around the morass of political finger-pointing that looms ahead of us for at least the next two years- blame Microsoft.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Provincialism


Did you know that Paraguay fought

a war with Brazil, Argentina, and Uruguay between 1864 and 1870 that left approximately 57% of the population of Paraguay dead? I was completely unaware that this had occurred, while I'm sure every Argentinian schoolchild learns it in History 101. Of course, the American Civil War and its aftermath probably had something to do with the lesser prominence of the War of the Triple Alliance, but I know a fair amount about the Franco-Prussian War, and the difference isn't that apparent but for the larger prominence of Europe in the global weltanschauung of our times.

George Bush is a Cylon

This is funny. If you are a nerd, that is, and I know some of us are (I'm looking at you Loh).

The 1/2 Hour News Hour

Fox has apparently decided to try to mimick the success of Comedy Central's The Daily Show and the Colbert Report by creating its own comedy news show -- The 1/2 Hour News Hour. Of course, this being Fox News, its not funny. And by that I mean that its painfully unfunny.

Where the Daily Show and especially the Colbert Report pepper their shows with some of the best satire in a generation, this show appears to be the political-comedy equivalent of a pie in the face or a slip on a banana peel. There's nothing subtle to it at all and that means there's nothing under the surface - no metaphor, no commentary on the times we live in, nothing.

Of course, the first target of their biting* wit is rising star Barack Obama. I can't believe we live in an age where political talking points meant to enact a national political strategy have been digested and processed into comedy by party shills. God help us all.

Here's a link to a clip. Watch it with low expectations. They'll be met.


* By that I mean that their wit actually bites, i.e., blows. hard.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Fresh Hot Posenwatch!

Robin Givhan of the Washington Post serves up a zinger aimed at our mutual acquaintance's forehead.
Zac Posen is another designer whose ever-growing stature leaves one puzzled. He has become a phenomenon with standing-room-only shows that draw celebrities, top-of-the-masthead editors and retailers. And yet the clothes are a sweeping display of technical skill without a cohesive point of view.
Like crabs, from beneath, we claw at his fifteen minutes!

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Grenadian Followup

Sadly, I've only been able to find one purported picture online of the Grenadian (not, as I mistakenly asserted, Grenadan) bandleader's gaffe. It looks, on first inspection, like a rather unremarkable picture of a nondescript Caribbean band. Note, though, what appear to be two deeply furrowed Asian brows, above the bandleader's left hand, and in the lower left of the picture, partially obscured by what I take to be a striped shirt.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Proof that Election Law is Evil


That's a b*ill I dr@fted on the right. On the other hand, I also got 665, the number of the beast b*ill's brother, so, of course, it's not that significant. But I thought it was funny at the time. Probably attributable to the 10-12 hour workday--which I enjoy, in a masochistic, law student-like way.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Racist Gummy Bears
















Well . . . I found it funny.

Grenadan Bandleader Seeks Work

I'm of two minds about this recent NYT filler piece, which briefly summarizes a career-ending blunder on the part of a Grenadan bandleader who mistakenly had his band serenade the representatives of the People's Republic of China with the anthem of their hated Taiwanese separatist foes.

On the one hand, how do you not figure out which nation dropped $40 million on your new cricket stadium, you know, the one where you're going to play a national anthem next week while the ambassadors of your benefactors stand by and smile munificently?

On the other hand, there can't be all that many bandleader positions going in Grenada. Shopping that resume around has to be a thankless business; and as a recent desperate jobseeker, I sympathize. Maybe it's time to go back to school, get a master's degree in country anthem identification. I bet you there's a program.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Schadenfreude

Call me a simpleton, but to me there's nothing funnier than kicking back and enjoying someone else's pain. This is because that pain usually stems from their own stupidity and I need to be reminded that Darwin is alive and well.

And after a long search, I have finally found the perfect website for viewing as much non-fatal pain as possible. This perfect website also has the perfect name - Ha Ha Ha Ow. It seems to focus on groin injuries - a personal favorite. Enjoy.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Who knows what it means

..but I was struck by the name of this unfortunate bystander's son in the Washington Post. I'm fairly sure that our country is one of a mere handful that could have produced a Rommel Martinez. I look forward to giving my own children similarly incongruous names, like Hjalmar and Olusegun.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Best. Analysis Ever.

My complicated love affair with bureaucracy continues.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

From the Files of Police Squad...

Don't take this as a defense of Scooter; I know very little of the facts of this case. These heavily redacted notes from the DOJ's website are, however, straight-up comical. Check out the Schmall notes.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Dear Vice President Cheney:

Please stop saying things like this in interviews:
So Iraq to some extent is a test of that basic fundamental proposition. Is their strategic view that we won't complete the job correct? Or is our strategic view correct, that we can, in fact, organize people in that part of the world, as well as use our forces in order to achieve a significant victory and defeat those elements that, among other things launched an attack on the United States on 9/11 and killed 3,000 Americans.

We're just not that stupid. Saddam was not Osama. Osama is not Saddam. Iraq is not Al Qaeda. Al Qaeda is not Iraq. They were separate problems for us pre-9/11. In fact, they were separate problems until we went into Iraq. In fact, I think there are cogent arguments to be made that they are still separate problems, that Iraq is now in a civil war and its problems are, at most, minimally related to Al Qaeda.

Regardless, please stop peddling this particular conflation.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Unilateral action

Okay, the simplest way I could figure out to turn comments back on was to accept defeat and assimilate into a blogger generated style. I unilaterally chose the one that looked the most like it was going to accept the seal banner... with mixed success. I'll tinker with it later, or we can go back if you all hate it. Mostly I wish someone would figure out how to change that damn pale green background.

Re: Time machine

I see your point. I have to agree with you in part--it's a profoundly messed up part of the world, and there's not much we could do to undo that. (At least nothing that would do so quickly.) Moreover, like you say, it was a bad, bad place pre-invasion, too.

For mess-avoidance, though, I'm thinking really selfishly: keeping us out of the mess. So, I'd set the time machine for 2002-03, when the war drums were being beaten. That was when we had a chance to do any number of things, including to
  1. Ignore the problem entirely and lift sanctions and all other efforts at containment/isolation
  2. Invade the country on the twin assumptions that Iraq had WMD and that we would be welcomed as liberators
  3. Stay the course with sanctions and such
  4. Attempt to build an international (and indigenous) consensus for changing Iraq along the lines we wanted
  5. Actually plan for whatever we would later decide to do
Obviously, we chose (2) by itself. I'd set the time machine for the last moment when that choice could have been averted. Granted, it might make more sense to go back earlier--root vs. proximate causes, and all that--but this is more clear cut. That it also gives us less time to kill our grandfathers and cause rifts in the fabric of space and time is a bonus.

Basically, I used to be an optimist, too. I'd go back to the point at which it became clear that my optimistic optimal, though unknown, course had diverged from reality.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Kirk Douglas, Pimp

In his new biography Kirk Douglas discusses his, shall we say, interesting sex life. My favorite part? Where he discusses his romance with a big blonde German stewardess. In the height of passion, she would scream "I'm a Nazi!" which was Kirk's cue to slap her.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Time Machine (This should be a comment).

So we successfully create a time machine to go back before we got into this whole mess. For what date do we set the dial?

2002 - before we began mobilizing to invade (when Saddam did not have WMD but apparently only didn't because of our inhumane sanctions)?

ca 1996 - between the first Gulf War and Saddam's renewed attempts to build a WMD program, while Saddam was crushing his opposition?

1991 - at the end of the first Gulf War when Bush Sr. and the world public was horrified by the unbelievable destruction and loss of life US forces were inflicting on retreating Iraqi troops, and Bush Sr. called off the assault?

1990 - before the first Gulf War, as Saddam was readying his invasion of Kuwait and potential invasion of Saudi Arabia?

1988 - when Iraq was the enemy of our enemy, and we tolerated Saddam's gassing of his own population?

1932 - when the British installed a monarchy?

1918 - when the British artificially partitioned the region out of the Ottoman Empire?

1535 - when the Turks invaded and took the land?

632 - When Muhammad died and his followers split into what are now the Sunni and Shia?

570 - When Muhammad was born?

I'm just saying, I'm not certain that even if we had a time machine, we would really know what to do to turn a terminally f-ed up part of the world into Sweden. It's not like things were hunky-dory for Iraqi citizens before the US invaded. How do you stop people who have wanted to kill eachother for 1400 years from wanting to do it now? What, you give them a stack of DVDs, a Big Mac and an iPod? I used to think so, but I'm pretty sure I was wrong. Obviously we're not doing anything right at the moment.

I used to be an optimist.

Please forgive any errors in this post. I'm at work and in a hurry.

Iraq: Three questions

Should we stay or go? If we stay, how should we do it? If we go, how do we leave?

It's been my opinion that we should stay. We went in and messed things up; it seems like it's our responsibility to clean them up. Plus, if we leave, it seems likely that the situation will be less favorable to our interests, both as a source of regional instability and as a significant and meaningful blow to our reputation, than if we stay and manage to make the country better.

But as our prosecution of the war and the Iraqis' management of their country have failed to improve (or at least failed to yield improved results) and insurgency has slid into civil war, it seems less and less likely that we'll be able to make the country better. So, I'm moving reluctantly more toward favoring pulling out. I don't think I'm all the way there yet. It's just that, while I never thought imposing democracy would work, I thought some sort of stability, some sort of miracle, might have been possible. As the situation continues to deteriorate, I'm hard-pressed even to conceive of such things as possible.

That is, at this point, my best solution--both in terms of providing a complete solution (and it always was the best method for that) and in terms of realism--may be for the United States to redouble, or re-treble, hell, re-quadruple, research into time machines. That way, we could go back and avoid getting into the whole damn mess, like we should've done from the start.

I won't reach the other two questions here, but I will pose one more: What do you think? (Alas for the seeming demise of the comment system.)

Monday, January 22, 2007

On the other hand...

According to the State of Maryland, the small business impact of blows to the head is potentially meaningful.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

An Open Letter to the Lady Who Just Called Me:

Dear Madam:

Alas, I do not speak your language, nor will increasing the volume of your voice make it so. In addition, I do not know the whereabouts of the lady you refer to as "Tina"; and screaming her name repeatedly in an angry tone will not change these unfortunate facts. I am sure you are a pleasant and well-behaved individual in person, Ma'am, but I feel compelled to inform you that your telephone manners leave a certain something to be desired.

Sincerely,
Josh

PS: If you call me again without an improved level of what the French call politesse I swear by Shiva I will call your number, which remains seared into the electronic workings of my phone, at 3:30 AM the next morning. I am serious about this.

Regards,

J.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Trials

This is an illustration of why juries are awesome. I served on a jury once for a basic, run-of-the-mill car accident in Brooklyn. It was inspiring (not a word I think I've ever used without qualification) and eye opening.

Inspiring: The premise behind the judicial system is sound. People grumble, but they take their civic responsibilities seriously and try to be fair. (I recognize, of course, that it's far from perfect. But it's also amazing--ordinary people sitting in judgment of others. It's accepted--our verdict stood like the word of god, but with less fear of those pesky preachers and reformations. It's awe-inspiring--amazing, accepted, civic.)

Eye opening: Brooklyn, like DC, is astoundingly diverse. In his Slate piece, Dickerson alludes to how he's caught in the Beltway mentality, unable even to imagine that there's anyone outside it, until he watches the jury selection process. He should try just sitting in the jurors' waiting room, listening to the names being called and watching the people sitting around him. Hell, if he was ambitious, which I wasn't, he might even try talking to some of them. A former colleague of mine did on her Brooklyn jury-duty and was shocked (vaguely horrified, even, for what it said about her life, if I recall correctly) to learn just how many people were homeowners. These are just regular people, lower-middle class to middle class, who live in places like Flatbush, Canarsie, Midwood, and sundry other parts of deep Brooklyn, who have regular working- or middle-class jobs (certainly not at a prestigious advocacy organization, maybe with the MTA), and who are building futures for themselves with their jobs and their homes, which they own. Oh, and they're immigrants--Caribbean, Chinese, Russian, etc. Sure, they're not living in Brooklyn Heights, Williamsburg, Cobble Hill, Park Slope, Prospect Heights, or any of the other places you or I might actually be familiar with, and, sure, they might have miserable commutes, but they've got roots now and are going to become the new, successful middle class. And their kids'll do quite, quite well.

Deliberating with them (and waiting, lots of waiting) worked pretty well for me.

I realize that it's difficult for me not to come off as patronizing--"you immigrants, lifting yourselves up, aw, that's super"--but I like to think, Before you can patronize, you have at least to be aware. Plus, it's nice to know that New York still can do it.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

FYI

The small business impact of chemically castrating sex offenders is minimal.

In case you were thinking of opening a mom 'n' pop castration shop, that is.

Bigger & Blogger

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've spent the last couple months alternating between sitting in a closet reviewing documents and drafting briefs in the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals. I've switched jobs and am now doing what I really want, White Collar Criminal Defense.

Expect more from me in the near future.

Gus out.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Enron and Free Markets

BDK,

I'm almost done reading "The Smartest Guys in the Room", by Bethany McLean and Peter Elkind. While reading it, I was struck by how Kenneth Lay's lust to remove government regulation of markets often seemed to enable the extreme laissez-faire hubris that entrapped Enron in a web of shady financial shell games that led to its bankruptcy and ruin. For example, as I understand it, Ken Lay and Enron lobbied heavily for deregulation of the California energy market. Following deregulation, Enron energy traders were able to engage in shady trading ploys with names like "Death Star" and "Fat Boy" that gamed the remaining regulatory structure and the market to drive up energy prices.

This is, of course, to say nothing of how Enron used its weight and perceived financial worth to crush the regulatory structures that should have reined in its gamesmanship, all in service of driving up the share price.

I know I've teased you about your love of free markets before, so I feel I should emphasize that I'm serious this time; was the problem in your view that, say, the California energy market was still awkwardly regulated, and that more deregulation would solve the problem? Is Enron an outlier that could have been prevented with stronger due diligence checks? Was the market, after all, self correcting, and the panic and destruction that ensued simply the inevitable result of the invisible hand's final shove? What sort of free market solution is there for unscrupulous individuals?

Almost completely mystified

"Irritation--grizzled law school vets, sing the irritation of law school exams,
inane, unpredictable, that cost me untold effort"

I feel like I passed, but beyond that, except for the flush of "I finished, and I had lots to say; sweet! must've gone pretty well" followed by the next day's second- and third-guessing, I quite honestly have no idea how I did. Any thoughts on corrolation between performance and expected performance? Or, as I predict, is it just a crapshoot?

Well, I only have to do it 5 more times.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Which 20th century leader made this threat:


...if we are to go forward, we must move as a trained and loyal army willing to sacrifice for the good of a common discipline, because without such discipline no progress is made, no leadership becomes effective. We are, I know, ready and willing to submit our lives and property to such discipline, because it makes possible a leadership which aims at a larger good... I assume unhesitatingly the leadership of this great army of our people dedicated to a disciplined attack upon our common problems....in the event that the [legislative body] shall fail to take one of these two courses, and in the event that the national emergency is still critical, I shall not evade the clear course of duty that will then confront me. I shall ask the [legislative body] for... the power that would be given to me if we were in fact invaded by a foreign foe.

Answer here.

On another note, last weeks New Yorker was, in my humble opinion, the best in a long time. The essay(s) by Milan Kundera was great. As was Malcom Gladwell's article about Enron and the difference between mysteries and puzzles. There was something else I liked, but unfortunately the New Yorker takes their articles down each week.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

I give

I've been meaning to reply to your post for a very long time, Seth, but every time I chickened out. Clearly, I'll have to print it out and think about it some more.

In the meantime, I've decided to start blogging meals that I've been cooking for dinner. This has the advantages of:

1) Not being about genocide; and

2) I can generally tell when I've made a mistake.

This dish is (badly) modified from The New Best Recipe cookbook, a book that's the culinary equivalent of The Joy of Cooking with training wheels on. Most importantly for an entry-level chef, it bleeds confidence from every pore. Small discussions before individual recipes usually discuss what not to do, and what it looks like if you do anyway, which is helpful in troubleshooting. The discussion of failure helps one learn from mistakes, unlike my memorable failure with the impenetrable Coq au Vin recipe in The J of C. Exactly how I produced that pastel lavender colored sauce shall remain forever a mystery, as blaming cheap wine only goes so far.

Anyway, on to the butchery.



Here we see on the left a pleasant marinade: soy sauce, mirin, oyster sauce, sesame oil; garlic through a garlic press, ginger. Reserved ginger and garlic is on the right. The book called for sherry and less garlic, but I feel like mirin fits in better, and Tracy was in North Carolina, so bring the garlic on.



Garlic goes into the press, garlic goes into the marinade. Chicken's in the marinade; our chicken.

The recipe recommends bok choy. But I'm too lazy to go out.



Yeah, this'll turn out real well.



Chicken gets tossed with flour and corn starch, goes into a wee fry-up.



In go peas, reserved ginger and garlic. This is actually looking all right, except for the burned chicken bits. I let the oil get too hot. In my defense, peanut oil is probably the most finicky oil I've used yet.



And there we go.

Prep time on the ginger and chicken was probably the most onerous element of this recipe. That and getting the chicken well covered with the flour and cornstarch. I'm still not entirely positive that a mix is the best way to go; I've seen pure cornstarch work better. Also, I let the oil get too hot, or didn't put enough in, or should have, you know, followed the recipe.

Next: adventures with walnuts.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

The obits are my favorite thing to read in the paper

The inventor of ramen, Momofuku Ando, died on Friday. While saddened, I'm glad of four things: ramen; learning an etymology of the name of the well-regarded restaurant Momofuku; this editorial, which a friend pointed out; and the following quote, from the obit.

In July 2005, the company vacuum-packed portions of instant noodles so that a Japanese astronaut, Soichi Noguchi, could have them on the space shuttle Discovery. Mr. Ando said at the time, "I've realized my dream that noodles can go into space."

And my dream has been realized too!

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

38th President, Park Ranger

Emptying out the files of the factoids that didn't quite make it into the obit.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Ah, crap

State Board Approves Atlantic Yards Project

Something there would be good, but not what they approved and not how Forest City Ratner got it.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Every disaster's just an opportunity

For profit. And to invite bigger disaster.
But in the 30 years that she has lived in the region, she said, people seem to be learning the wrong lessons. Devastating coastal storms now serve not as warnings but as engines of development, sweeping existing structures away and leaving clear land for bigger and better buildings. “That’s been a typical response since the early 1980s,” Dr. Rees said. (NYT)
The epitome of some of the greatest strengths and weaknesses of humans?

Monday, December 18, 2006

Response to "Father of our country"

[Edited mostly for form, in the morning, without studying. Sigh.]

Classes are over. I seem to have a little more of a chance to breathe, at least until I start studying for finals, which--oops--I probably should have started doing a month ago.

So, as I promised to do, let me take a longer stab at a response. My first problem with your post, as I mentioned, is that it leapt directly over the questions of
  • Whether we are in fact in a "war" (I'll stipulate to yes, as I'm not quite that stupid, though "GWOT" describes it poorly and leads to this type of confusion--"GSAVE," while stupid in and of itself, is more apt),
  • Why are we fighting (I'll stipulate to something along the lines of "because it's the natural state of humans, because we started it by our mere existence as the most powerful state in the world and a culturally imperialistic one [note: I have no problem with this; I think it's true and good], because we were attacked and have to defend ourselves more actively," or just about anything. If you think it's a question worth addressing, let's get into it; otherwise, I'm happy to set it aside as not terribly useful),
  • What sort of a war it is,
  • What we're fighting for,
  • Where we're fighting, and
  • Who we're fighting.
Instead, you moved directly to the vital question of how to win the war. (The other commenter raised some valid concerns about the method he thought you were proposing. I think you knocked them down effectively, but only by backing off of what you seemed to be saying initially, which accords with your initial response to me, that "things got muddled.") Part of this, as you indicated, is that you wanted to start with the Washington quote. I completely agree with you: it's very striking. I doubt that I'd've been able to restrain myself from starting with it. I would have gone a different direction with it, though.

How best to win the war is the question that comes last. It requires addressing the other questions. Metaphors have never been my strong point, but let me try this: Lighting a furnace to burn a hair is effective, but not efficient; using a bicycle to haul a 20-ton trailer is ineffective and inefficient. The means should fit the goals. Thus, we first have to figure out what the goals are before moving to the means of achieving them.

What Sort of a War Is It?

Like any other war, it's "the continuation of [politics/policy] by other means." And beyond this generality, we can also compare how this war is being fought--and necessarily will be fought--with how other wars have been fought. To do so requires answering the other questions, so I'll be brief here and try to summarize.
  • It is not a declared war against an organized state.
    • In this regard, it's significantly different from WWII and the Civil War. I also note that the strategic bombing campaigns you point to are themselves of dubious effectiveness (not entirely sure that the link to Fog of War is directly on point or terribly supportive of my point, but it's certainly relevant to other points).
  • As stated above, it's a fight about policy, more aptly, perhaps, ideology. We're trying both to protect ourselves from an extremist, unrealistic, negative (as opposed to affirmative) ideology. At the same time, we're trying to (continue to) spread our own way of life. (I recognize that this latter point may be controversial, but I think it's both true and good.)
    • Physical fighting, obviously, is ongoing, and the threat of physical fighting in other places remains. The ideological and military aspects affect each other, as well.
  • Thus, it follows, and is borne out by reality (more accurate to put it the other way around?), that we're fighting throughout the world. It's not a war limited to a discrete region, discrete countries, discrete provinces, discrete areas, discrete cities, discrete neighborhoods, discrete blocks, discrete buildings, discrete apartments or houses, or even discrete rooms.
    • This further differentiates it from WWII, the Civil War, or even Roman wars. And, while it's true that in a certain sense WWII was not limited in region, what with its being a world war and all, there were clearly defined friendly and enemy countries.
  • It also follows then that we're fighting for and against everyone and no one.
Moreover, the virtually unlimited scope of the struggle combined with the interplay between the two ways of fighting to make the physical aspects have particular resonance beyond the single areas in which they are pursued. For example, actions in Abu Ghraib affect minds throughout the world, and not to our benefit. I'm particularly concerned with this interplay.

What Are We Fighting For?

We're fighting for a way of viewing, interpreting, and controlling our environment. That is, we're fighting for our ideology. As a shorthand, let's call it "the West."

At its core or at its best, I'd say this encompasses science, rationality, non-teleological assumptions, doubt, optimism, realism, defining humans and community as broadly as possible, and, most importantly, the rule of law, as developed over time in a democratic way, not the rule of leaders or god(s). We certainly fall short often and in many ways. (See, e.g., the current administration, which seems to oppose just about everything I list except for unfounded optimism; the inherent inequities in capitalism; flaws with globalization; global warming; classism; sexism; racism.) But it's forward looking and human.

The corollary is that we're fighting against a reactionary ideology. I haven't heard a term that seems to work well as a description, but let's call it, as shorthand, "Islamic terrorism," while recognizing that it's a decidedly imperfect name.

I don't have the background to go beyond the surface of what exactly it entails (but that surface knowledge is probably more than 99% of people, including a sizable number of policymakers). I wouldn't say it's a perfect inverse of "the West"; it happily uses science and seems to proceed fairly rationally from irrational and outright wrong premises. I don't doubt, also, that its followers are optimistic and believe that they've defined community quite broadly. And I'm sure they'd argue that they believe in the rule of law--a superior law, even.

I just think that they're wrong. Their premises are fundamentally flawed. Their ideas, based in part on teleology, lead to a dead end. It bears noting, too, that these premises and conclusions share less with ours than the opposing sides' in the wars you mentioned shared. (Excepting the Indian wars, I suppose.)

So, what we face is less a clash of civilizations than a clash of radically and fundamentally different ideologies. The fighting is manifested most obviously in physical war, as in Iraq, Afghanistan, the Philippines, and New York, but also in subtler forms, like the media, schools, the internet, and any other way people learn about ideas. Your post focused on the former, which under other circumstances wouldn't be overly problematic, but here, for reasons I'll lay out below, it is.

Where Are We Fighting?

We're physically fighting in a few places; the clash of ideologies is taking place everywhere and nowhere. The two fields affect each other.

For the live wars, the answer to the question is pretty obvious. For the threat of terrorism, the primary targets are pretty obvious, too.

The ideological fight takes place anywhere someone can read, listen, see, and think. Each side is trying to convince those who aren't (strongly) on a side. (The lack of a conversation between the two sides makes this conflict different from the Cold War, where I've always been struck by the fact that both sides were constantly talking and negotiating.) There's a lot more involved here, both geography- and population-wise, than there is in the shooting wars.

I don't want to ignore the out-and-out warfare aspects. This'll sound weak, but that's obviously a vital side of the fight--survival matters, duh. I certainly don't think that the solution is to switch from conventional bombs--you know, the ones that explode and kill people--to knowledge bombs that contain the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, flowers, $100 bills, the complete works of Mozart and Shakespeare, The Origin of Species, and the current New York Times bestsellers in both fiction and nonfiction (which, if they landed on someone, could probably kill). The US, as you argue, isn't going to win the physical conflict through negotiations at this point--no one's talking. We're not going to convince most of the fighters to stop and open a Starbucks instead. It's a fight, and we've got to kill the dead-enders, to cop a term from Rumsfeld.

The problem comes in the interplay. As we've seen, our actions in Iraq, say, have a major impact in Europe or Indonesia. Words in England affect what happens in Iraq. Sayyid Qutb visits and loathes the US, goes back to Egypt, writes, and is executed. His writings have major impacts on a variety of thinkers, including Zawahiri, who, in turn, foment war.

Thus, I think your original post didn't really take the scope or interconnectivity of the conflict into account. (I recognize that it was probably something you dashed off. This post, eh, not so much.) You focused on the physical fighting without really considering the ramifications for the broader fight--again, I recognize that you called only for the country actually to consider its options, not to take one particular one, but in doing so I feel that you elided some of the factors that we should be thinking about in making that determination. By doing this, though, you've overlooked what I feel, based on personal biases and on the fundamental nature of what war--especially this one--is, to be the more important part of the fight.

Who Are We Fighting?

I covered much of this in the last section, supra. (Law school--so delightful.) Suffice it to say, there are the enemies we're fighting physically, and there are the enemies who we fight through soft power. Among these, there are irredeemable enemies, and those who can yet be converted, for they may not yet be enemies. Additionally, given the lack of firm boundaries of fighting and the ideological dimensions, there are the enemies we know and the enemies who are still underground.

And we have the same issues of interplay as above, as well. The different types affect each other, especially with regard to how we fight them. Thus, while one method of attack might work well in a vacuum, or without taking too much account of efficiency, it may fail overall.

Putting this together, we don't necessarily know who we're fighting. We're fighting over minds that belong to people who we maybe should be fighting. Do you have any idea how many die-hard fighters, military or intellectual, there are on the other side? Does anyone? I don't. But I'd bet it's several orders of magnitude smaller than the number of undecideds. I also think that it's not worth the risk of losing them in order to crush the enemies we have recognized or think we have recognized. I don't think we can win them all, either, but I would like to minimize the hydra-head problem. Getting it done right is more than just a moral imperative; it's a functional one.

The Next Questions

First, personally, where'd I goof? What assumptions did I make that I didn't even realize I was making? What did I give short shrift to? (Strategies of the enemy, or is that better addressed later, when we get into the how?) Where'd I go wrong?

In terms of addressing your initial post, though, I'll pause here. I think you're right to suggest that we need to look closely at how we're fighting the war and how much restraint is too much. (I also agree with you that we, as Americans, "are pathologically bad at" "self-censorship, deception, and manipulation of hatred," and that this is good.)

It doesn't seem to me like we're addressing this first issue, much to our detriment. This is my inane attempt to do so. I call it inane mostly because I have no deep knowledge and recognize that, as my mind has not yet been shaped in the full subtleties of legal reasoning, my attempts at organization and avoiding rambling likely fall short. Bah. So it goes.

Later, I intend to get into my thoughts on the question of how best to fight. Obviously, I'm interested in this point and want to explore it more. For now, before I make my lame excuses, I just want to point out a key corollary of what I've said here: the combinations and complexities I've tried to elucidate make the war a slow fight.

Two links as previews of what I think about how not to proceed: the last three grafs of this review really helped me figure out what I think, and this article is just one of many that epitomizes how badly this administration's screwed up and frustrates me to no end. (And, no, the solution is obviously not to cover these incidents up--self-censorship's not the solution.)

So, lame excuses: it's late, and I've got to start studying for finals....now. That is, in the morning.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Her name was Lola (St. Ann's content)

Not merely the St. Ann's Warehouse--look who "shot film scenes with the French actress Emmanuelle Seigner, which will be projected onto the stage" during Lou Reed's performance. (NYT)

When I read this, I threw the newspaper up over my head. I'm not quite sure why--or what emotion I was trying to express--but it made sense at the time.

Hoo boy

Well, coming control of the Senate was nice while it lasted. [Edit: (Defeatocrat=Me!)]

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

It's... full of stars!

So let me get this straight--we invade and destroy a Persian Gulf state, turning it from a brutal, but stable, dictatorship into a nominally democratic hornet's nest of chaos and random violence, then pull out, forcing Saudi Arabia, promoter of fundamentalist Islam extraordinare, to fill the void and fight a proxy war against Iran, while remaining, ostensibly, good friends with the Saudis? Who could propose, much less implement, such a crazy Machiavellian scheme!



I haf no idea to what you refer.

If only it had worked out that way.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

[Condolences]

MS Word has a template for everything.

December 12, 2006

Dear [Recipient Name]:

As you may know, recent changes in the economy have forced us to make some difficult decisions here at [Company Name]. In order for the company to succeed in the future, we must streamline our organization today.

Therefore, it is with regret that I inform you that we are eliminating your position and terminating your employment, effective [date]. We will provide severance in the amount of $[amount]. You will receive your severance pay and final paycheck on [date].

An exit interview is scheduled on [date] at [time] with [Name]. You will receive information regarding benefits and unemployment at that time.

We have been pleased with the work that you’ve accomplished during your employment here. We will be sorry to see you go.

Sincerely,

[Your Name]
[Title]

cc: [Manager Name]

Friday, December 08, 2006

Father of our country

I've been thinking about this quote a lot recently in the context of the GWOT, and wanted to put it out there for discussion:


Orders of George Washington to General John Sullivan, at Head-Quarters May 31, 1779

The Expedition you are appointed to command is to be directed against the hostile tribes of the Six Nations of Indians, with their associates and adherents. The immediate objects are the total destruction and devastation of their settlements, and the capture of as many prisoners of every age and sex as possible. It will be essential to ruin their crops now in the ground and prevent their planting more.

I would recommend, that some post in the center of the Indian Country, should be occupied with all expedition, with a sufficient quantity of provisions whence parties should be detached to lay waste all the settlements around, with instructions to do it in the most effectual manner, that the country may not be merely overrun, but destroyed. But you will not by any means listen to any overture of peace before the total ruinment of their settlements is effected. Our future security will be in their inability to injure us and in the terror with which the severity of the chastisement they receive will inspire them.

Upon receipt of this order, Colonel Sullivan "[methodically destroyed] at least forty Iroquois villages throughout what is now upstate New York, in retaliation for Indian and Tory attacks against American settlements earlier in the war. The devastation created great hardships for the Iroquois that winter, and effectively led to the reduction of the Iroquois ability to harrass the frontier and the decline of the Iroquois federation." (Wikipedia) Not exactly a "hearts and minds" strategy as conventionally understood, is it? What I note about this quote and the aftermath as Wikipedia presents it is the following:

  • It's penned by George Washington. Father-of-our-country George Washington.
  • It's a brutal, shockingly honest, and genocidal directive. Washington makes himself very clear: he wants "total devastation" of the entire population of the Iroquois Confederation, warriors, women, children, and all. Washington wants prisoners: he wants as many Iroquois displaced and driven off as possible. Finally, he wants the crops the Iroquois depend upon destroyed "in the ground", an order Washington no doubt intends to create conditions of extreme hardship and starvation among the Iroquois during the winter.
  • It seems to have worked. The article indicates that Washington was not entirely satisfied with Colonel Sullivan's job, but if you go to upstate New York, you won't find a lot of Iroquois around.

So what lessons, if any, should one draw from this snippet of military history? It follows many others in a similar vein, from Phil Sheridan's boast that he had so devastated the population of the Shenandoah valley that a crow flying over it would have to carry its own rations, through General Jacob H. Smith's order in the Philippines to "kill and burn, the more you kill and burn the better it will please me. I want all persons killed who are capable of bearing arms in actual hostilities against the United States"*, to the bombing campaigns against Britain, Japan, and Nazi Germany during the Second World War. I admit I haven't made an in-depth study of the subject, but it seems to me that attacks primarily directed against a relatively defenseless civilian population have often been the sole object of warfare--and a successful strategy, laying all moral considerations to the side.

It seems to me that armies were originally conceived and maintained for the purpose of protecting one's civilian population against ruthless genocidal adversaries--enemies like the ancient Israelites and Romans who would not hesitate to massacre and enslave your city-state's population at the earliest opportunity. Later, European warfare initiated a version of a social contract whereby kingdoms would concede defeat if their armies were defeated in the field--and in exchange for the cooperation of the defeated state in acquiescing to the victorious polity's demands, the conqueror would mercifully refrain from the wholesale slaughter of the civilian population. But now we fight an enemy who has made no such agreement to concede defeat upon the destruction of their conventional military force; an enemy willing to take advantage of our strictures against the deliberate targeting of civilian populations to hide among noncombatants in the sure knowledge that we will not deliberately target civilians. I wonder how such a strategy would fare against William Tecumseh Sherman, or the ancient Romans.

To be clear, I have absolutely no idea what concrete lessons one should draw from this hypothetical and possibly illusory model, other than that I have to take another look at the Fourth Geneva Convention soon. Do I advocate the massacre of civilian populations? No. Of course I support obeying the laws of armed conflict and fulfilling our international treaty obligations. I do think, however, that it is best to engage in a careful examination of how exactly we intend to fight our emerging adversaries in the future, and the relationship of the laws of war to the strategies our enemies employ. In addition, such an examination should be conducted as soon as possible, and openly, rather than the secretive war of memos that currently seems to govern defense policy in the war on terror. Otherwise I fear we are likely to continue to conduct our foreign wars like a castaway ricocheting blind down a dark and rocky strait, pulled back and forth by the competing currents of expediency and morality.

*General Smith defined a person "capable of bearing arms" as any person over the age of ten years. Admittedly, there was a public outcry over the latter case, and General Smith was later court-martialed, but I suspect that the charge of "conduct to the prejudice of good order and military discipline" is not the one that would be preferred for similar conduct today.

Architecture

"The people of Tokyo should construct a giant building shaped like Godzilla." (Ironic Sans, link courtesy of law students.)

Because it would be awesome. Just look at the artist's renderings.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

!!!


I note that Peter Jackson is producing a remake of the 1954 film Dambusters, which covers an interesting segment of the Royal Air Force's night bombing campaign against Germany during the Second World War. As you can see at right, it's not difficult to imagine why events such as low-level attacks on the Mohne, Eder, and Sorpe dams to flood low-lying areas of Germany using specially-developed bouncing bombs might lend themselves to production as a movie. As one of the first military history books I ever read was the basis for the movie (including my favorite aircrew nickname ever [Edit: that would be Henry "Dinghy" Young, not Gibson's inappropriately named dog]), and as one of my current favorite military history books is the related The Nuremberg Raid, I'm pretty excited to see anything involving Peter Jackson and the history of RAF Bomber Command. Me, that is, and about five other people posting on www.wargamer.com. If this one's three and a half hours long, I won't mind a bit.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Avery Lane Gewurztraminer

From the Columbia Valley in Washington State comes a taste of Alsace-Lorraine! I tried the 2005 Gewurztraminer from Avery Lane when I got home from work at 10:30 pm tonight, making this a 13.5 hour day. This type of arrival home usually calls for a scotch and a quick shower before bed. Being far from Edradour, however, I popped open a bottle of wine that was chilling in the fridge.

The gewurztraminer is lively, effervescent, and astonishingly tart. A floral bouquet, but it's hard to tell because I'm sitting next to vase of fresh lilacs. There is an initial sharpness in the structure, but a smooth middle-to-end where the flavor moves from green apples to rasberries. Never too sweet, however, as there is a note of oak throughout. The ending is surprisingly strong for a $10 bottle. I feel cheered and refreshed!

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Annie Bosworth

Did you know that she had died?

Really, surprisingly sad.

Light at the End of the Tunnel, alternative take

Moon base=ultimate insurance policy? I mean, just to be safe, we, by which I mean the human race, need extraterrestrial colonies.

This time it's got to be for real, not like that Mars announcement. (Ignore the lengthy timeframe and lack of specifics or funding commitments.) After all, what could the administration be trying to distract us from this time?

Is That a Light at the End of the Tunnel?

So, is this a real possibility?

If it is, I only hope we end up with the best of Libertarians and Liberals, and not the worst of Libertarians and Liberals. It would be the perfect storm of sanctimonious self-righteousness and silly self-assurance.

On the other hand, outside of criticizing politicians, I haven't had any interest in involving myself in politics for years. This would be the one movement that might get me back into it.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Terminological inexactitude

A minor artifact of Republican political rhetoric over various confirmation struggles was the remarkably insincere demand for an "up-or-down" vote on various candidates presented for approval. Under a Republican-controlled Congress, any individual capable of basic arithmetic should have known that a statement calling for an "up-or-down" vote was equivalent (in reality if not in rhetoric) to a statement calling for immediate approval of all of the President's appointees. To suggest that the possibility of "down" existed struck me as a particularly unpalatable and disingenuous rhetorical stunt.

However, it must have polled well with the party faithful, as various Republican spokespeople salivated the catchphrase during struggles over UN ambassadorships and judicial confirmations with a regularity reminiscent of Pavlov's dogs hearing a bell. With John Bolton's resignation, the President again reflexively punched the old rhetorical bag, being: "deeply disappointed that a handful of United States senators prevented Ambassador Bolton from receiving the up or down vote he deserved in the Senate."

With an incoming Democratic majority, one can only hope that urgent demands for an "up-or-down" vote will abate somewhat. It would be unattractive, if appealing to one's sense of irony, if Democrats were to take up the hue and cry for an "up-or-down" vote.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Obligatory St. Ann's content

8th grade version.

I can't decide whether this article, about what team should sign Barry Bonds, is an admirable synthesis or merely derivative of original research from Baseball Prospectus.

Regardless, you may remember its author, Dan Rosenheck, from such schools as St. Ann's (middle school version) and Harvard (college).

Thursday, November 30, 2006

May a just fate befall all parking attendants

DC just tried to tow my car for pulling into a parking space, instead of backing in. The total fine was $30. Honestly, I don't know what they don't tow your car for.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Have at thee, thou Gantt-charted varlet!

There are a hundred and seven livery companies in the City of London; professional associations mostly devoted, nowadays, to charitable works. Ranked in order of precedence, they run the gamut from early entrants such as the Worshipful Company of Fishmongers and the Worshipful Company of Haberdashers to, well, more recent admittances. (I do think there should be some kind of good taste limitation, though.)

In general, I entirely approve of the extension of ancient traditions to embrace modern innovations. In the case of certain worthy societies, however, I wish we had kept even more old traditions around, such as jousting, or trial by combat. I would certainly tune into a televised event to watch two armored management consultants beat each other to death with maces. I mean, if you get a crest like the one at the left, it's only fair. Who knew that management consultancy had so much to do with dragons and griffins.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Gunning at home


Last week, I sat on the couch and laughed with a friend as we merrily assaulted a post-apocalyptic gas station, defended by gray, thickly muscled, reptilian adversaries. We were engaged in a cooperative game where we were humanity's last, best hope against the relentless assault of our hated foes--working in concert, we shot, fragged, and chainsawed our way through a veritable sea of enemies emerging from steaming tunnels that erupted from the bowels of the planet.

Later, I and three other anonymous individuals, playing those same reptilian monsters, stormed a warehouse complex defended by four of our hapless human enemies. We knew each other only by our handles and our voices as we worked together to crush the feeble earthling beneath the locust boot. On the last game of the set, two of us cornered another player who cowered in the shadows of a cargo container. The enemy's dastardly sniper weapon cut down my teammate, but with a bound, I was on the human, and his avatar howled as my chainsaw bayonet shredded through his ribcage. As the game prepared to reload, I heard my teammates congratulate one another. As we faded away, I heard a player's voice with a Latino accent say: "Good game, brothers--" and I felt a genuine sense of accomplishment and camaraderie suffuse me as I clutched the Xbox controller.

I'll tell you why your bridge club broke up, Mr. Putnam. Because bridge is fracking boring, and does not involve chainsaws.

PS: What a great country!

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Now I've seen almost everything

Even Robert Novak is down on the Bush Administration in these weak and piping times--even if for wholly the wrong reasons.

Not sure what's next--probably Karl Rove shaving his head and becoming a Zen Buddhist or Dick Cheney registering as a Green Party candidate, followed by a British Army band entering stage left playing "The World Turned Upside Down".

Or Nancy Pelosi and the Democratic Congress becoming engulfed in a series of petty and disheartening leadership struggles and pointless investigative witch-hunts. But let me live in the moment!

Friday, November 17, 2006

The sort of thing that gives democracy a bad name

"Australia and New Zealand agreed Friday to send troops to Tonga, where mobs demanding democratic reforms destroyed much of the capital in unprecedented rioting that left at least eight people dead." (Cite.)

Should this make me laugh as much as it does?

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

A troublesome combination

''With the wisdom and resistance of the nation, today our position has stabilized. I'm very hopeful that we will be able to hold the big celebration of Iran's full nuclearization in the current year,'' the [Mahmoud Ahmadinejad] said referring to the country's nuclear fuel program. (Cite.)

+

Iranian media on Monday quoted Mr. Ahmadinejad saying of Israel, “We will soon witness its disappearance and destruction.” (Cite.)

=

Yikes.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Gotta get back to Brooklyn

Any memory of how that song goes? Does it exist outside St. Ann's?

Anyhow, I just loved this article.

Who couldn't love lines like "The Domino’s pizza has an oddly sweet crust that somehow manages to blend the characteristics of cotton and rubber"? And Brooklyn's official cheerleader (aka, Borough President Marty Markowitz) gets off zingers like "It’s a multinational right-wing company, mass marketing the Brooklyn attitude with obsolete ethnic stereotypes, not to mention flimsy crusts."

New York provincial cosmopolitanism (or should it be cosmopolitan provincialism?) is sublime, and, of course, everything's just better in Brooklyn.

Truer words never said

“Mississippi gets more than their fair share back in federal money, but who the hell wants to live in Mississippi?” Mr. Rangel said.

It's nice to be back on top.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

The day I became a yellow dog Democrat

Or, more accurately, an anyone-but-the-Republican-Partyite.

Behold the depths to which the National Republican Congressional Committee will sink. This isn't pure politics: this goes beyond unfair attack ads to touch the slimy visage of voter suppression. Here's how Josh Marshall of Talking Points Memo summarizes the NRCC's latest effort:
There are two basic issues about the calls. And to understand what the fuss is about, you need to understand the two together.

First, the calls themselves.

Most of the call's script is a fairly standard attack robocall, a series of Republican talking points aimed at the Democratic congressional in a particular district. Nothing particularly noteworthy. The key is the introduction. The lead into the call starts with the speaker saying 'I'm calling with information about' Dem candidate X. Then there's a short pause.

At this point, you know it's an annoying robocall, so a lot of people just hang up. If you hang up then, you think it's a call from the Democratic candidate.

Second, the repetition. And this part is the key. If you don't listen through the whole message, the machine keeps calling you back, often well in excess of half a dozen times with the same call. It only stops if you listen all the way through.

As you can imagine, that's driving a lot of people through the roof.

In other words, the Republicans behind the calls win either way. If you keep hanging up, you think you're being harassed by the campaign of the local Democratic House candidate. If you give up and listen all the way through, you hear the political attack. The true source of the call, the NRCC, the GOP House campaign committee, is only revealed at the end of the call.

(Federal regulations dictate calls be identified at the top of the call.)

Third, and for this there is as yet only anecdotal evidence, many of the calls seem to be going out overnight or during, say, a major sporting event in the given district.

These sorts of operations are supposed to glide under the radar, having maximum impact with minimal press attention.

And that's pretty much how it worked.

People only started catching on mid-late last week as Democratic campaign after campaign started fielding complaints from voters about robocalls their campaigns weren't even making. Even then, individual campaigns dealt with it mainly on their own. Only over the weekend did different people start putting the puzzle together.

It's impossible to say how many voters out there are pissed off because they think they're being phone-stalked by the local Democratic candidate. And there's no way to tell just what the effect will be at the ballot box. But the intention is clear: suppress the Democratic vote by harassing voters with repetitive phone calls and deceiving them about who it is that's calling them.

Remember, this is the same crew that pulled a not dissimilar phone scheme in 2002 which resulted in multiple felony convictions. This time they've just taken it nationwide. This is their strategy.


As a commentator on the election law listserv I viewed noted, citing voter id laws and push-polling (not to mention disinformation campaigns anonymously directed at minority neighborhoods), "From all that appears, it has become standard operating procedure for one of the nation's two major parties to make an effort to defraud and disenfranchise voters of the other party." It may also be illegal.

To be honest, I might have voted for John McCain, Colin Powell, or Rudy Giuliani. That is no longer the case.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Wee-ha!

Thank god for this quiz result. I worry sometimes that I'm losing my Crooklyn street cred.

What American accent do you have?
Your Result: The Northeast

Judging by how you talk you are probably from north Jersey, New York City, Connecticut or Rhode Island. Chances are, if you are from New York City (and not those other places) people would probably be able to tell if they actually heard you speak.

The Inland North
Philadelphia
Boston
The Midland
The South
North Central
The West
What American accent do you have?
Take More Quizzes

How did we not see this coming?

Bush Trumpets Hussein Verdict to Rally Support

Every. Damn. Time.

Wonder how the Iowa Electronic Markets'll react.

Friday, November 03, 2006

I've made a huge mistake

Full credit of course to Arrested Development for the title of the post. I'm not sure what exactly my feelings are on the overall look. But I predict that in about 8 hours, the only evidence that I ever looked this way will exist in people's memories. And these pictures.



I don't know how I feel about the deer-in-the-headlights look. Oh, right. Bad.


Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Overconfidence


With a week to go until Election Day, I think we're all fairly familiar with the stakes, issues, and tropes. Democratic momentum building vs. an entrenched Republican GOTV machine in gerrymandered districts; Macaca vs. Modern Romance Fiction, etc. To cover up my nagging feeling that the Democrats will find some way to blow this election at the eleventh hour, I present a one-week exploration of battles where pride and the vagaries of chance snatched defeat from the jaws of victory.

1. Salamis

The battle of Salamis featured the massed fleet of the Empire of Persia against a fractured and weak coalition of Greek city-states. Occurring in September of the year 480 BC, approximately 1,000 Persian triremes were defeated by approximately a third that number of Greek ships between the Athenian port of Piraeus and the island of Salamis. On the open ocean and on paper, the sheer number of Persian ships should have overwhelmed the Greek fleet, whose morale was already suffering after the end of the battle of Thermopylae and the destruction of Athens.

However, in the event, the Greeks prevailed against the odds. Jammed into a narrow bay by their eagerness to pursue the retreating Greek fleet, the Persians were robbed of much of their advantage of numbers. As the resulting catastrophe unfolded, the Persian fleet began to disintegrate and flee, while the enraged Persian emperor Xerxes watched the unfolding disaster from a golden throne set atop a nearby hill.

Relationship to the 2006 elections:

Depends. You could see Karl Rove as a kind of Xerxes, observing the perfect storm of Athenian triremes sweep over the Republican 72-hour program and fundraising advantages. But Xerxes wasn't really a cheerleader, trying to keep a happy face on events; he really expected to win the battle of Salamis and executed many of the survivors. If you believe Karl Rove genuinely expects to retain control of the House because of the double secret White House polls he's seeing, and Democrats achieve victory in November, this would be the best fit. On the other hand, if Democrats blow it in November, blue leaders like Rahm Emanuel and Howard Dean could be atop the golden throne, vainly striving to make their absolute numeric advantage in the polls felt in the narrow confines of gerrymandered house districts.

Go ahead and shred it all, Dick. You're still an asshole.

In preparation for next Tuesday's Democratic takeover of the House (& Senate?), Dick Cheney has contracted with the Mid-Atlantic Shredding Service to take care of destroying evidence of crimes against humanity....I mean, his garbage.

Here's a link (with blood-boiling picture goodness....)

Saturday, October 28, 2006

School vouchers and race

I read a book called White Flight, by Kevin Kruse. The subtitle's "Atlanta and the Making of Modern Conservatism." It's great. (All quotes are from it, p. 132.)

The first time I read this, I had to stop because I was blown away.
In 1953, a full year before Brown, [Georgia] Governor Talmadge advanced a constitutional amendment giving the General Assembly the power to privatize the state's system of public education.
Hey! Let the market have it's way! That's cool!
In the event of court-ordered desegregation, school buildings would be closed, and students would instead receive grants to attend private, segregated schools. "We can maintain separate schools regardless of the U.S. Supreme Court," Talmadge promised, "by reverting to a private system, subsidizing the child rather than the political subdivision."
WTF?! Wasn't this exact same idea, minus the explicit racial rhetoric, what "Conservatives" were pushing in the '90s?
The General Assembly and the voters agreed, ratifying the amendment in the next elections. ... During the 1956 legislative session, ... the General Assembly strengthened the plan with several new laws. No detail was left untouched. ... If the courts ordered their schools to desegregate, the governor could thus switch everything to a nominally "private" system without missing a beat.
Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

The book's convincing and does an excellent job explicating Conservative rhetoric and its racial/racist roots. It's so disturbing and so great.

End strong

"You’d think that for once [Bush]’d want to consider devoting his time to making things better instead of worse." (NYT)

Youch. Snippy, yet so true. I challenge anyone to name one way that the country's been improved or made stronger in that man's* presidency. Yeah, I didn't think so.

* I have a better understanding now of how Republican's in the 1930s felt about FDR. Of course, they were wrong. What FDR accomplished, while revolutionary, did some great things for the country, and paved the way for other good, right, and necessary acts. Sure, it wasn't a complete success--what is?--but the solution is not and has never been to undo the New Deal and what followed. But the Republicans have been trying to do that for decades.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Mount Misery (to be filed under, "You had to see this coming."

So it turns out that Donald Rumsfeld's vacation home is a place called Mount Misery, an estate owned by a slave-owner named Edward Covey. Mr. Covey was "famous for breaking unruly slaves for other farmers." One of the slaves that Mr. Covey tortured and beat into submission was none other than Frederick Douglass, who said of Mount Misery "I shall never be able to narrarate the mental experience through which it was my lot to pass during my stay at Covey's. I was completely wrecked, changed, and bewildered; goaded almost to madness at one time, and at another reconciling myself to my wretched condition."

Um, Alright. Why would anyone want to vacation there, you ask? Well, I think the answer is obvious. Donald Rumsfeld is a SICK FUCK.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Election season

As far as I can tell, at least 50% of all political speeches nowadays could be replaced by the following mantra:

Listen: Cut and run, cut and run, cut and run, hard work, hard work, hard work, cut and run, stay the course, hard work, cut and run, understand, cut and run, hard work, hard work, hard work, stay the course, cut and run, hard work, flexible, dependable, unacceptable, can't change, cut and run, horses in mid-stream, hard work, stay the course, cut and run, cut and run, cut and run, hard work, understand, horses in mid-stream, can't change, cut and run, hard work, cut and run, can't change, cut and run, can't accept, hard work, cut and run, hard work, understand, cut and run, cut and run, cut and run, hard work, listen, last throes, cut and run, we've tried, cut and run, stand up, cut and run, stand down, cut and run, hard work, stand up, stand down, cut and run, cut and run, cut and run.

Repeat ad nauseam. One might as well have a tape player on the podium.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Evil Ninjas

It seems that the ninjas that I have eluded for so long have finally tracked down my current location. This morning, 4 ninjas broke into a gas station in my hometown of Tampa, Florida, and stole an ATM machine.

No doubt, they will use the funds garnered from this daring escapade to build the ultimate weapon with which to hasten my death. I must begin to train.......

Friday, October 20, 2006

What-the-heck, redux

If you had asked me Tuesday to bet whether the bodyguards of Recep Tayyip Erdogan, Prime Minister of Turkey, would accidentally lock his unconscious body in the prime ministerial limousine in the hospital driveway, I would have lost a lot of money.

Apropos of nothing, I know some bodyguards from Turkey who will probably be looking for new jobs on Monday.

Questions only Steve Wynn can answer


How the hell do you punch a hole in a Pablo Picasso (worth, to be crass, about $139 million)? And do you feel as stupid as possible immediately, or does it build?

The High Point

The Mets may have lost the game, but this is perhaps the most amazing double play I've ever seen. Really.

I really like how the crowd goes apeshit as soon as it's apparent he caught the ball.

Watching the game, I went apeshit too.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Tee hee


Somehow, David Hasselhoff retains his charm.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

The game's afoot

So far, my job resembles nothing so much as Jabez Wilson's in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's "The Red-Headed League." I guess, after three years of law school, I can't really complain. I just hope I'm not actually being shiftless... there just doesn't seem to be much to do thus far other than study the manual.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Speaking of what-the-heck

Decided to begin blogging at work. What the heck.

I was struck by this quote from a Slate.com article on South Korean perceptions of the North Korean nuclear crisis:

Kim also blamed the United States for having divided Korea more than 50 years ago without taking the nation's wishes into account. In essence, she thinks the United States brought the North Korean nuclear pest upon itself and the world.

I don't even know what that first sentence is supposed to mean. I'm hoping it's some sort of horrifying translation error, because my understanding of the history is that there wasn't really time available for a referendum, or at least not more than a very rough and Socratic one.

For, after having brought you into the world, and nurtured and educated you, and given you and every other citizen a share in every good that we had to give, we further proclaim and give the right to every Athenian, that if he does not like us when he has come of age and has seen the ways of the city, and made our acquaintance, he may go where he pleases and take his goods with him; and none of us laws will forbid him or interfere with him. Any of you who does not like us and the city, and who wants to go to a colony or to any other city, may go where he likes, and take his goods with him.

I'm not going to be an annoying American, and whip out the we-saved-your-ass-and-you-should-be-grateful card. I don't expect gratitude for events over half a century ago. I am a little alarmed that Ms. Kim seemingly believes that some sort of peaceful reunification process was on track until non-Korean forces derailed it. It bodes badly for an actual peaceful reunification that Ms. Kim would recognize, or find acceptable.

PS: This is perhaps the funniest thing I've read all week.

One reaction typical of young South Koreans came from Kim Min Jeong, a teacher at a Seoul language school who focused on the injustice of the balance of power: "I was quite surprised that North Korea really tested the nuclear bomb. But all the superpowers have nuclear weapons, so why not North Korea? Because Kim is a maniac? It doesn't make sense.

Something doesn't make sense, right enough. Zing!

Saturday, October 14, 2006

A what-the-heck?! roundup

This counts as apologizing? Saying, more or less, "I was mad at the Jews because 'they' said mean things about me?" Also, I'm imagining how different was of saying this sentence would change its meaning: "I don't believe that Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world." My own biases, plus the way the BBC article positions it, have it coming out, "I don't believe that Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world." Just some of them.

Celebrate the EU by celebrating a battle that a) you lost and b) had somewhere around 50,000 casualties. Napoleon, the proto-EU'er. Weird.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Eww


This picture kinda scares me. Dude, Curt, don't cut your neck, and stop with the rubberized face.

(From ESPN.)