Please, let the zombie invasion come now

It’s idiotic, but sometimes idiocy is all we have left. --Harry Hutton

In college, my friends and I would occasionally express our millenialist hope that what we referred to as "the day when there is no law" would come to pass. An example of usage:

Boy, on the day when there is no law, I will set the philosophy department on fire.

We differed on what would bring about the day when there is no law. Some thought a virus outbreak, some thought peak oil. I personally favored zombie invasion, because I still adhere to the perhaps radical view that some people really need to be eaten; to wit, those too idiotic to survive a zombie invasion. And we're currently up to the eyeballs in idiocy, to judge by the news reports. And with that, I present to you a brief list of those who, in my opinion, will fail to survive a zombie invasion.

(1) Christian peace activists who travel without bodyguards in Iraq*

Sad, but true. Evidence, you ask?

"We are angry [said the antiwar activist group that employed the hostages] because what has happened to our teammates [kidnapped, under threat of beheading] is the result of the actions of the U.S. and U.K. government due to the illegal attack on Iraq and the continuing occupation and oppression of its people," the statement said.--WP

I am angry, though, because a group of Iraqis were obviously put to great personal risk and effort to kidnap four Christian activists. They had to get a digital video camera, some masks, and what looks like an RPG. These things are expensive! Plus, there's gas and tolls. These insurgents boldly ran the risk of capture, torture, and death by their American occupiers because no one else was going to stop the Christian peace activists: "Al-Jazeera said a statement by insurgents that accompanied the video charged the men with 'working undercover as Christian peace activists.'". I don't suppose that a group named "Christian Peacemaker Teams" can deny that their employees are, in fact, Christian peace activists. I put it to you, Christian Peacemaker Teams: in this scenario, are not you the aggressor?


(2) Dominique De Villepin

Villepin told the US television network CNN that the wave of unrest in French suburbs this month could not be described as "riots", and that it was not rooted in ethnic or religious divisions."
I'm not sure you can call them riots. It's very different from the situation you have
known in 1992 in LA for example," the prime minister said in the English-language interview. "In France during the two-week period of unrest, nobody died. So I think you can't compare this social unrest with any kind of riots."--Expatica

So let me get this straight:

ri·ot n.

1. A wild or turbulent disturbance created by a large number of people.
2. Law. A violent disturbance of the public peace by three or more persons assembled for a common purpose.
3. An unrestrained outbreak, as of laughter or passions.
4. A profusion: The garden was a riot of colors in August.
5. Unrestrained merrymaking; revelry, debauchery.
6. Slang. An irresistibly funny person or thing: Isn't she a riot?

I don't know about you, but there seemed to be a "large number" of French youths in the street, and the goings-on seemed pretty wild to me. At the least, there was a profusion of cars on fire. In fact, looking at the list of definitions, I would say that the recent rioting in France and, under defintion 6, Mr. De Villepin himself, are both riots.

(3) People who keep pulling on locked doors hoping they will somehow unlock and open.



Obvious. The zombies would have had him in a second.