All right, newbies, eyes up and ears out. Today we're going to be discussing that piece of equipment most vital to the Colonial Fleet's war against the Psilons--the desktop stapler. Don't believe me? That's why I'm the CAG, and you're the frakkin' meathead newbie. Try handing an unstapled ammo update or parts requisition to the Old Man, and he'll space you faster than the Caprica Buccaneers could shut down the Picon Panthers in Pyramid Ball.Today, we'll be discussing a particular model of stapler some of you have been trying to sneak into Ops under my nose--don't think I haven't noticed. Now listen up, and listen good. If I catch any of you frakkin' apes using a Stanley/Bostitch Full Strip Stapler, the last time you'll see the inside of a Viper cockpit is through the canopy on the maintenance night shift. Got me? This thing is shot nine ways from Sunday. Frak me, if my Viper guns jammed as often as this thing chokes on staples, the Psilons would have spaced me long ago. It can't even handle a three page standard maintenance req, never mind a frakkin' AAR or fuel consumption statistical overview. Now read me loud and clear: this is the enemy.
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